its taken me all weekend to decide how i wanted to say things in this post.
we’ve been waiting for some news since fall. on friday we got the news.
due to budget problems in the school district ben has been told he wont be asked back for next year. this happened across the district and the newest hires were the first to go.
i am not worried money wise really, because he will get paid until about sept and be eligible for unemployment then. and he has a very long time to search for a job whether its in teaching or something else.
i’m just a bit disheartened. i still believe it was GOD’s plan for us to come here but i just wish for once things could stick to some sort of a plan. if you know my history you know that nothing ever happens as planned and i dont know why i should have expected it to.
i dont want to have to move again. and its not definite that we will have to but its a possibility. i dont want to uproot the kids again. and i just got to where i was feeling a bit successful with the shoppe and i like that and dont want it taken away. i know that sounds terribly selfish but its the truth. i finally felt like i was given the chance to use my talents and do what i wanted to do for a living other than doing what i have always had to do. see selfish again.
we always seem to land on our feet. i am not worried about that so much. its just too much change going on right now. moving back was a big adjustment for us all even though its something we’ve wanted for a long while. and i was just starting to settle myself and now i feel like i may have to start all over again. i feel like we are back in the military and have no choice about where we live or what we can plan for the future.
these past few weeks have been disheartening too with the things that have been happening with other members of my family. and last week i found out another aunt had a seizure and has broken her spine and an uncle has to have another stint put in. mom and i are wondering if we are bad luck or something.
can someone shooo away this black cloud over me. i’m just really looking for some kind of peace right now. i know things will work out, i just feel really dumped on right now. you guys may not want to stand too close something might fallout of the sky and hit you.